Tales of Storms

London shows are always fun.

The Borderline is just about the only venue left in Soho, once the centre of live music. London has either huge venues, or small, sadly hardly any mid-sized venues left.

Actually, loading to The Borderline is behind in a small dead-end street, which is close to the venue we played regularly in London. The Astoria, now gone.

On the drive from where I live to the West End, I must pass at least 20 ex-music venues, which are now soulless coffee bars, or pizza places.

I had a walk down Tin Pan Alley, Denmark Street WC1, once the centre of music publishing and now music shops, I wonder how long it is before that goes too?

Wasn’t sure had this show would go being a Bank holiday Friday, but it was fantastic, and well attended, as always.

and a chance to show off our brand new banners we had made up last week, to adorn the foyers of the venues we play.

Here we see said banner adorned by an attractive girl who is obviously a fan of the band.

Saturday is Holmfirth in Yorkshire famous for where they filmed the popular TV series ‘Last of the Summer Wine’

So of course, We had to have breakfast in Sid’s Café, as featured in the show.

Where we met actor Ken Kitson, who was in the show. He was there promoting his new book.

Really good turn out, and a really good show.

The town was being pelted with rain and high winds, rattling off the tile rooves opposite the venue.

We do pride ourselves on being as authentic as possible, but going so far as to provide actual storms is the icing on the cake, after all, this is the ‘Tales of Storms’ tour.

Led Zeppelin were one of the very first bands to perform in Japan, receiving the city medal from the Mayor of Hiroshima in recognition of this. Where they performed songs from the fourth album for the first time.

Their first ever show at The Budokan, Tokyo, was to be recorded for future release, but the sounds of the thunder storm that hit the city marred the recording and the tapes were wiped.

In recognition of this, we have named our 2016 World Tour as the ‘Tales of Storms’.

As we were staying in the local pub around the corner, got slightly drunk, but only ever so slightly, but as always, I am the first to bed. after all, I am El Santo!

G’night All

Moscow

Landing in Moscow, at last. And a show we have been eagerly looking forward to.

Standing on the Moskva Rover, Moscow is among the largest citys of the world, established in 1147 and is the northernmost and coldest city in the world. 

We were met at the airport and glad I brought my thermals, that cold wind certainly chills the Urals. We were whisked off immediately to a live radio interview on Russia News Service. with Igor Sandler, very famous bloke in Russia and was kind enough to present us with a book wot he wrote. We also met our charming translator, who wore a rather tight leather dress.

All goimng well, but we have been here 3 hours and not had any vodka yet!

The next day we have a few hours to sightsee. So Red Square is our destination. The 1812 museum, pretty good stuff in there, and they even have the sleigh in which Napoleon fled Moscow, uniforms weapons etc.. from the Napoleonic period.

A visit to Lenin's tomb  is a must however I broke my watch at security, my favourite watch too, gutted. A tribute to Rolex I bought in Hong Kong for $25. neen al around the world with me has that watch, I can still envisage as it fell onto the icy floor and the crack as it hit the ground. 

Pete is a big fan of Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space when his ship, Vostok, orbited the Earth in 1961, and wanted to see his burial place, although it was out of bounds due to repair works, a young Russian Soldier escorted us in so we could get a pic. Pete was delirious.

Onto the former Royal Palace that is the Kremlin, which is now open to visitors, including the amazing Armoury, with the Coronation Crown.

The last Tzar to be crowned with Monomakh’s Cap was Ivan V, the elder brother of Peter the Great.

After this  the ancient crown was not used again until 2002, when a copy of the crown was made for Vladimir Putin’s 50th birthday and given to him as a gift.

Finally the vodka arrived hooray! Just in time too. The venue was huge, massive stage, the biggest in the world if I got my facts right? certainly the biggest in Russia with at least 20 feet between the band and the audience. But we got them outta their seats and rockin’ in the end.

It was good, nice to see the sights, and everyone involved did a great job, Thanks to you all, hope we go back one day.

Liverpool The Cavern

The world famous Cavern, and a home town gig, not just for me, but also for our drummer Peter Tulloch. known as Peter The Beater.
So a lot of family coming to this show, and for the very first time ever, I am actually staying in a hotel in Liverpool!

The Hard Days Night Hotel to be precise. situated right next door to The  Cavern itself. Nice hotel actually, Nice rooms, apart from a weird portrait above the bed of Yoko posed as The Mona Lisa, it may give me nightmares later.

From my third floor room, I can hear a busker on the street, belting out Beatles songs, of course. 'Something', 'Eleanor Rigby' and other classics. He has Tambourines atached to his feet for a bit of added percussion.

I travelled up on the train for once, the band drove, and took them 7 hours,

The view from the band transport at 4pm, as I lay back on my comfy bed.

So some 'me' time yay! and time for Thai with friends and family opposite the hotel. I am told that the closer in proximity we get to my home town the more pronounced my accent becomes. Can't say I noticed meself like!

The local council, in their wisdom, have made load in, and out, the most difficult at any venue I have ever performed anywhere in the world. Mathew Street itself is pedestrianised, but load in is at the rear in the street behind the venue.
This is pedestrianised too, but for no apparent reason, as there is absolutetly nothing there!

So vans must park blocking the road and carry the gear 100 yards up the street, through the throngs of tourists, to load in down a lift.

The council could, of course, simply but the bollards where the entrance to the Cavern is, to aid load in, but no. They place them at the entrance to the street, and let's face it, we are talking The Cavern, the most famous club in the world!

A venue that brings tourists into Liverpool from all over the world, so let's make it as difficult as possible for bands to load in.
I have lost count of the parking tickets we have had whilst loading.

                                                 Soundcheck
But I digress; The Gig.

Very well attended, may have something to do with the feature on the band in the Liverpool Echo last week.
The cities biggest newspaper.
http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/anfield-frontman-uks-best-led-10961730

With its small atage it does get hot in the Cavern, but a  great atmosphereand a very receptive audience. 
The Cavern now has a Live Room in the back, a larger room than the recreation of the small stage that all those famous bands performed in the heyday.
It must have been just amazing to have witnessed the great bands in such an intimate venue in their formative years.

After our show of belting out Zep classics to  a hungry audience, I spoke with a couple who had travelled The States once to see us, they said it was on Plant's recommendation.
.
But they didn't  realise the Live Room even existed and were patiently waiting for us to come on in the wrong room, and only realised their mistake when we were playing until the encores.

They only caught 'Rock and Roll', 'Immigrant Song' and 'Thank You',

We have made a few changes to the set, left the acoustics out, and gave 'Dazed and Confused' and extended run out.

So after 3 encores it's back to the Hard Days Night Hotel, its midnight and the same busker from this afternoon is STILL going. However, at this hour, Now, I like The Beatles as much as the next man, and this busker added some local charm this afternoon, by now I am having a sense of humour failure!

Anyway.

Nice to see so many friendly faces, can't wait for the next one, next up in the morning a 5 hour drive to Great Yarmouth for Legends of Rock!

Grumbleduke

Greetings from Boot Camp. We are slowly getting stronger, fitter, faster, but it hasn't been easy. The regime is going well and we are dumping some tonnage.

Highlights:

Had one of my best meals ever last night. Matthew picked up a roadkill pheasant during our morning 10-mile yomp and worked on presenting sliced breast with a superb jus reduction, and elements of chili and ginger. Better than restaurant quality and certainly the best game dish I have ever had.

Real food for the gladiators.

Last year, Matthew found an interesting bush in his garden, and decided it would make a good lentil style broth.

Luckily we googled it first. It was Hemlock, and we would have all been dead.

Bodies found, like a looney cult, off to see the stars.

Foraging is allowed for the bootcampers, berries and wotnot.

But we are a bit early in the year for that.

We took our coffee break at the 6 mile mark, however, Martin, or Grumbleduke, as he is now known due to his constant complaints about the lack of food, snaffled 5 biscuits. One by one, dipped them into his hot chocolate and stuffed them greedily down his gob — the pig!

Reminded me of the old Billy Bunter cartoons where he would nick a cake from the school tuck shop or secretly get stuck into his hidden cache of jam tarts.

As a result, Martin was the first boot camper to be expelled for eating biscuits and he’s on a train home.

Our numbers were swelled with the arrival of ‘Woody’ Woodcock,  and more to come over the weekend.

However it is the end for me as I have to work this weekend, The Trinity Theatre, Tunbridge Wells, and then fly to Moscow on Monday.

My feet are red raw, blisters all over them, after each step by tortuous step in the morning hike.

I ache, have been so hungry that I could no longer eat, and bent in two by a sadistic ex-Royal Marine!

Fantastic, can’t wait for the next one.

Love to all,  byeeeeee.

Are you ready to Grumble?!!

The morning walk was filled with excitement for the big boxing match later that day.

The contestants had been squaring up to each other all week with comments such as . . .

‘Mind I don’t scuff your nose’

And . . .

‘I’ll be giving your ear a good buffeting’

Since boot camp started we have had nothing but complaints from Martin.

So in his honour we named this titanic event ‘The Grumble in the Jungle’.

He is my boy. I am training him and coaching him from the side, and he certainly needs it.

Tension was palpable as the time approached.

We needed a good name for my boy, Matthew is Mattloaf – The Matt Out of Hell.

Hmmmm for Martin?

I thought of Starvin’ Martin due to his complaints about the lack of food on bootcamp

Or maybe ‘Hank’ Martin?

We decided  Marvellous Martin had a more fearsome ring to it.

So here we have it.

Mattloaf v Marvellous Martin.

The Grumble in the Jungle.

3 x 2 minute rounds.

An even match actually. Matthew has better technique and more experience, but Marvellous has the height advantage and the longer reach.

My coaching advice was to keep his distance and let Mattloaf tire himself out as he tried to come under his guard, and use his advantage in reach.

A good strategy I thought, and one that was bearing fruit early in round one.

Mattloaf came in low, trying to get under Marvellous’s guard, but couldn’t get near him.

Marvellous being patient, ready to strike.

The crowd was cheering wildly.

The bell sounded for the end of round one with Mattloaf slightly ahead on points, but clearly more tired than Marvellous. The plan was working, mainly ‘cos Marvellous kept running around the garden like a frightened rabbit to keep well out of reach, taking my coaching advice to the extreme.

Second away (that’s me) Round Two.

Started much the same as the first, Matthew coming in low, but tiring, allowing Marvellous to land a few blows too.

Round two also belonged to Mattloaf, but only just!

So we have it, it has come to this, the final round.

I unleashed the beast, with Matthew exhausted, Marvellous went for the kill, landing a fair few good punches, but Mattloaf isn’t finished and came back strongly.

A cheer goes up!!

Mattloaf is down!!!

For a count of 3.

Yes, down! Not from a skillful right hook from Marvellous, but rather he slipped on a dockleaf.

It’s all over, the final bell.

And  to the judges.

The decision, due to the fantastic comeback from Marvellous . . .

A DRAW.

Mattloaf contended he won by 2 rounds to one.

But the panel rejected his pleas.

Similarly Marvellous says he won on points.

The judges told him to be grateful for the result he got.

It was a good contest actually and the crowd ( 5 people) were baying for more.

Silence ensues as forward step another two bold gladiators, willing to try out their martial skills in combat, to sate the unquenched desire for more battle from the baying mob.

They glove up and look each other square in the eye.

Each psyching out the other, looking for any weakness to exploit.

Again, evenly matched combatants.

The entire crowd of 5 people once more takes up the cheer,

Ken – Deformitus Maximus vs ‘Jack‘ The Hawk.

Again 3 rounds and again an honourable draw, due to neither opponent actually landing a so much as a glove anywhere on either contestant.

But a bold effort from all.

And then we all return for a right nice cuppa tea.

Ken choosing camomile.

So there you have it. It’s all over. But talk in the evening turns to…. Rematch!!!!!!

Boot Camp Day 2

Day 2 of our Boot Camp torment.

The day started at 7.30am with an 11 mile walk along the canal, where, occasionally, we would stop and talk with the locals in their canal boats, bit like ‘Tales of the River Bank’

Friendly folk up here.

We are joined this year by some new faces: Martin, an old school friend of Mathews, and at well over 6 foot and a lean, mean fighting machine, it’s a wonder why he is here at all really.

Our other new face wishes to remain anonymous, for reasons of his own, and will be referred to as ‘Jack’ from now on. Although ‘Jack’ has re-tweeted these posts, and that may be a clue to his identity. As might this picture taken under the famous clock at Carnforth Station.

A visit would not be complete without seeing the famous Carnforth Station clock made by Joyce of Whitchurch in the late 19th century, which featured in Brief Encounter.

And now lovingly restored.

‘Jack’ is here seen centre of pic.

 We took a cup of tea, at the Refreshment Room of the station.

It is most famously known by film buffs from the role that it played in the 1945 David Lean film “Brief Encounter” that starred Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson.

In the film, the station is referred to as Milford Junction, but the actual location was Carnforth Station.

The Refreshment Room has been faithfully restored to its 1940s period glory and offers a superb range of home made food, licensed bar and top quality hot beverages.

 The tea was refreshing, but the smell of the food was a torment, as we are not allowed anything to eat ‘til we return.

I had smuggled a small tangerine in my pocket, and waited patiently for the halfway mark before devouring it.

Hunger sure makes food taste even sweeter.

The walk back is all up hill, Matthew decided that the normal route was too short, so took us rambling further afield, but thankfully, we were spared the ‘Hill of Certain Death’.

That’ll most likely be for tomorrow.

All the talk of the afternoon centred around the impending boxing match between, in the red corner, Matthew, and in the blue corner, Martin.

Excitement is building for this titanic clash of the greats.

They had a quick spar, and Martin quickly appointed me as his second.

Claiming that ‘Billy knows a winner when he sees one’.

He has the reach advantage over Matthew, but needs to use his body more; a little coaching from me and we may have a really good fight on our hands

‘The Rumble in the Garden’ is on, let’s hope Matthew keeps his clothes on for this one.

Boot Camp

Once a year, usually for four weeks, sometimes less, me and a bunch of the guys head up to the Lake District for a detox at a place called Yealand. You can check it out — it was in the Doomsday Book.

This consists of a 10-mile hike before breakfast, which is one three-egg omelette, followed by an hour in the gym taken by a 23-year-old ex-Royal Marine and fitness coach.

In the evening we can feast; all the vegetables we can eat.

Oh, and strictly no booze. That’s the hardest part by the way.

The only criterion that must be met for the participants of Boot Camp is they must be good company, or those long walks seem very long indeed.

In the gym or The Ludus, as we call it, there is a Wall of Fame of some of the participants.

This is your author, after going 10 rounds sparring with the Royal Marine fitness instructor.

And still looking fresh!

I put him through his paces I can tell you.

This is Ken McKenzie, or Deformitus, as he is known, being instructed in the art of unarmed combat.

An essential skill he must hone to perfection, as he lives in the leafy suburb of Chiswick, West London.

This is our leader Matthew, he always likes to be different, and is here seen participating in some naked wrestling. Much to the girls’ chagrin.

Mind you, I think they were more unhappy that Rick, the trainer, opted for the more traditional ‘Keeping the clothes on’ approach.

Matthew’s wrestling nickname is ‘El Chipolata’, for reasons that soon became apparent.

Jeff is a Boot Camp Legend. He managed to climb halfway up The Old Man of Coniston, and decided bootcamp wasn’t really for him.

He did his ‘gym sessions’ in a horizontal position in his bed reading the paper. He is seen here sitting with a right nice cuppa tea, encouraging the rest of us to ‘Run faster’ and ‘Jump higher’.

But I may be doing him a  disservice; he did make some effort, he only had slimline with his 12 noon Gin and Tonic, and chose the gluten free bread for his morning bacon butty.

Jeff has never returned to bootcamp.

This is LeadBelly, so called for his gluttony and huge consumption of wine. Despite this, he claimed that he would ‘Run rings around us all’ in the gym.

And to give him his due, he kept up on the walks, put in a sterling effort in the gym, and is seen here passed out after just 10 minutes, just prior to chucking up his breakfast of one three-egg omelette.

Of course, the girls have their own version of bootcamp. Not in Yealand, but in Burley, a kinda Girlie-Burley Bootcamp.

They walk around the garden, have a glass of champagne to accompany the scones and cucumber sandwiches.

Then, after all this effort, retire to the conservatory for some reading.

The closest they get to the gym is Jim the window cleaner, who coincidentally comes to clean  the windows at the same time the girls take their reading break.

Strapping Jim on a hot day will strip to the waist, like a cola advert.

Not that Sarah noticed. She was so engrossed in her copy of The Dangerous Book for Boys (that she was holding upside down!) to notice, or so she says.

Anyway I am totally Hank (Hank Marvin – Starvin’ ) having had no food since breakfast, and laying here, aching everywhere, nervously awaiting the toll of the big brass bell, which can only signify one thing, the trainer is here. Once more into the Ludus, for an hour of pain.

Wish me luck.